To Care Or Not To Care?

Many of us say that we don’t care about what other people think, as long as we ourselves are happy with what we do and what we accomplish.

I say: fuck that. Of course I care about what others think of what I do, how else would I know that I’m doing something good and/or right?

With that said it seems to me highly ironic that I, who have been battling a low self-esteem for the past few years, have chosen to engage in something that puts me into constant scrutiny of others. But do you know what the really weird thing is? I get more cranky when I get no attention or acknowledgement at all, then when I get critique that I find unjustified.

Attention whore? Me? Nooo, really? *can you spot the sarcasm here?*

I’d be lying if I ever said I didn’t care, because I do. Part of that I think is because of the “good girl” syndrome I seem to be suffering from, and where appriciation is a sign that I’ve done something well enough. It’s hard to not be affected, and all the lovely things my Fans tell me is one of the things that keeps me going and want to create more pretty photoshoots. I want to do well, I always have, and it’s bloody hard for me to not care. Your opinion means a lot, it really really does ❤

I work very hard to create good-looking shoots, perhaps harder than people think sometimes. A lot of time and effort is put into every shoot and can litterary spend months (at times even years!) to plan a shoot to perfection. The outcome may not always be what I envisioned it to be, but I have rarely left a shoot thinking “this went like crap”. Every Like, every positive comment, and even the constructive critisism, is for me a sign that my plans and ideas were in the right direction.

I learn from every shoot I make and I always use what I’ve learned in the next shoot.

Some day I may learn to not care as much or see my work as the “love child” that I do now. But for now I just work with what I’ve got, I push myself further, make the contact that I need to get where I want to and devote my creative energy to this. Because I love to do this, I really LOVE it! And if I have to work harder than everyone else to get somewhere, than that’s what I’ll do.

I’ll bloody make it work.

Picture by Josefine Jönsson, shot for Viola Lahger & This Has A Story

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