2016 Review

Yes, I know I’m fairly late in the game but hey, better late than never, right? As for so many others this year has been a mess and a roller-coaster of emotions with both major highs and terrible lows. I’ve been trying to figure out how to review last year and it seems that the only sensible way for me to do it is month by month.

So here we go…

January: My roller-coaster month of all roller-coaster months… It started off not very well with my grandfather’s health deteriorating from the cancer that he had suffered from since the year before. Then I hit a major high with the announcement that I was going to be one of that month’s cover models for Bedeseme Magazine. This is still one of the best things that happened all year and I am so proud! But the world didn’t want me to stay happy for long as on the 14th my grandfather passed away and I was left devastated..
I did manage to squeeze in a couple of shoots though with Katiekat and Lady Tigra, and I got published in Azaria Magazine.

February: Work, work, work.. Also painful funeral and spending time with my honey.

March: Shot an amazing steampunk shoot with Miss Metnal, Katiekat, Naddine E, Imperial Fiddlesticks Emporium and Viola Lahger, as well as a retro themed shoot with Hanna Fredholm

April: This month saw the light of a collaboration between Katiekat, Kya Wolfwritten, Attera Nox and myself for TAMD, of which we are all members. I’m so proud of what we achieved on that day, it was one of my best shoots ever! But the highlight was my 30th birthday that I got to celebrate with both my family and my dear friends 🙂

May: GFB!!! For the second year in a row my honey and I returned to Berlin and German Fetish Ball Weekend for some wonderful and relaxing days with sun, party, latex and cocktails ^^ I also tried my hands on burlesque modelling with Hanna Fredholm and while it’s not really my thing it was really fun to try.

June: My honey and I celebrated our 8th anniversary ❤ Also did some gothic shoots with Lucy Fehr and Katiekat and a latex shoot with Katiekat as my co-model.

July: Finally got to model alongside my dear friend and fellow TAMD member Nea Dune! Of course Katiekat was the photographer 🙂 I also got to shoot with Felicia Püschl Photography, someone I’ve wanted to shoot with for a long time! Otherwise this month was mostly about fancy food and still dealing with the sadness of losing my grandfather, the one who taught me everything I know about art.

August: Got to shoot some dieselpunk latex with my lovely friend Necrinity Art ❤

September: Went to London with my honey and my mother so I could get my final birthday present from her, a lunch at Heston Blumenthal’s restaurant The Fat Duck! This was something I had wanted to do for several years, it was on the top of my bucket list. And I finally got to experience it and it was ah-mazing! I keep thinking back to those five hours of eating, enjoying and feeling like a happy kid, and I can’t wait until I can go back and do it all over again ❤ I also got published in Xpressions Magazine with the steampunk I did in March.

October: The month of bachelorette parties and a wedding. Necrinity and her love, Sire Plague, got married and I had the honour of not only attending her wedding but her bachelorette party as well. Such a gorgeous couple ❤ And a very dear friend of mine got her surprise party as well as she and her husband-to-be was going to elope in November for their wedding. Two shoots also happened, one steampunk with Felicia Püschl and one Halloween themed with Katiekat.

November: Went in for surgery on my ear. I’ve been suffering from a so called cholesteatoma in my right ear (basically, it means that there’s been pressure on my eardrum, forcing it inwards and “eating” up the bones in my inner ear), leaving me half deaf, and the only way to fix it through surgery. No shoots, only convalescence and spending time with my family.

December: Christmas happened and a very nice New Year celebration with my honey. We also sold the house my grandfather had been living in since my grandmother passed away little more than 5 years prior to his departure. I knew it would come but it was still the hardest thing to accept since the funeral. I had spent so much time in that house and still have so many wonderful memories from there and so it’s very hard to come to terms with the fact that I will never be there again..

Reading all this makes it seem like everything has been fine and dandy but I have been struggling with this huge loss all year – and still am. I will probably never recover completely but I also have to try and focus on the positive things that happen in my life.
All I can hope for this year that in the midst of the chaos, sadness and frustration that’s going on I will find some new high points, work on new projects (although I am cutting back on shoots to focus on other things) and be more social with my friends.

2017, let’s do this.

When Are You A Model?

This is a question that has racked my brain ever since I started modelling more seriously back in 2011. When can you claim to be a model? What do you have to do/achieve to be considered one by yourself and others in the business? It seems to me that everyone has their own definition of what a model is and when you can call yourself one.

Here are some of the answers to the above questions that I’ve heard or read during the years:
– Once you’ve done a shoot with a professional photographer
– Once you’ve been paid for a shoot (either by the photographer or another creative involved)
– Once you’ve done product shoots for a designer
– Once you’ve collaborated with a designer for a creative shoot
– Once you’ve been contacted by a professional photographer to do a shoot
– Once you’ve been approached by a designer who wants you to shoot their creations (either willing to lend you the item/-s or letting you keep it/them as payment)
– Once you’ve been published in a magazine
– Once you’ve been on the cover of a magazine
– Once you’ve done a fashion show for a small designer/business
– Once you’ve done a fashion show for a big designer
– If you’re represented by a major agency

I’m sure there are plenty more though..

According to this little list there are 8 reasons for me to call myself a model 😛 Personally though, I’m not quite sure what I think makes or doesn’t make a model. I think I want to say that once you know your angles and how to pose for/adapt to different photographers, then you are a model. Just standing in front of a camera isn’t enough, you have to be an active part of the creative process. Once you’ve got that then you’re a model in my book.

What about you? When do you think someone can call themselves a model?

2015 Review and a Look at the Future

As we now are about a month into 2016 I thought this is a good time to try and some sort of review of last year.
Last year was a bit of a roller-coaster for me with periods of all the things happening at once, followed by absolutely nothing. Creatively I had so many ideas of things I wanted to do, shoots I wanted to realize. While I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to, I still got to do some very fun and interesting things.
But instead of just filling this post with lines and lines of text I thought I should just list all the positive and negative things that happened last year.

Good Things:
– Me and my honey travelled to Berlin to attend German Fetish Ball Weekend for the first time. We had a lot of fun and we hope to go back this year!- I was published 5 times in different magazines (well, twice by Kultur Mag but in different issues).
– I walked the runway for Cyberesque at Unleashed Stockholm in October. It was my first time doing a fashion show, I was scared as hell but it was so much fun at the same time 🙂
– I got to work with several new photographers, including Post-mortem.se, Hanna Fredholm, Carmilla and Nathalie Holmberg at Fractal Fashion Photography.
– I moved to a brand new apartment with my honey, finally, after spending 7 years in a long distance relationship ❤
– I got a permanent position at my job, woho!
– I have eaten at a local Michelin star restaurant, Ekstedt. We got to sit at the chef’s table and also got a tour of the kitchen! I mean, how many people get to do that unless you’re in the food business?! Icing on the cake, I got to meet the owner Niklas Ekstedt who’s a food hero of mine 😀
– I got to shoot the most amazing mermaid concept together with the most awesome team of talents ❤

Not so good things:
– Didn’t get to shoot as much as I wanted to.
– Felt very stressed over things, probably more than I should have.
– My grandfather got diagnosed with cancer. This was/is the worst thing that happened in 2015. In spite of all the good things that happened the news of his illness came during the late fall, which pretty much set the tone for the rest of the year. He passed away last week..

But 2016 didn’t just start on an extremely low note, it also started at a very high one at the same time. This is because I’ve had two publications coming out these past two weeks, one of which I made it onto the magazine cover! I will post more about that later, but let’s just say for now that I’m extremely happy, thankful and freaking proud!
I hope that this year will contain more creativity for me, as well as more travels. I’m looking forward to evolve in my modelling and try my hands at new things. I have set a few goals for the year so let’s hope I will achieve all of them!

Vanyanís Giveaway – Again!

Oh yes, these darlings love their Giveaways! And this time more prizes are up for grabs, gift vouchers of $50, $100 and $150 – pretty nice Christmas presents for a corset lover, I must say ^^

What I would choose if I would win? A corset, of course ^^ My favourite Vanyanís corset is the one I first laid eyes on: the Morgana. I’d have it in decadent red though, with black lace overlay ❤ Maybe not as elaborate as the original, but I’ve always wanted lace overlay on a corset and this is one of the best I’ve seen so far. I’d exchange the crystals for something a little darker too, maybe a bunch of tiny silver skulls.

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Photography © Iberian Black Arts

Isn’t it yummie and, oh, so gorgeous? Just imagine pairing that with a simple silk skirt or a pair of latex leggings ❤

If you too would like to win a voucher, just head over to www.vanyanis.net and follow the instructions 🙂

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Baking Madness!

I’m currently in a baking mood. There’s been so much lately that I haven’t had time to bake anything, something that’s otherwise one of my favourite pastimes. Being gluten intolerant makes it a bit more difficult, because everything you make behaves a lot more different than ordinary foods and sweets. Once you cut out flour (and therefor, gluten), things are not as clear cut anymore.

But I’m stubborn and I will let nothing keep me from indulging in cakes, cookies, pies and cupcakes ^^ So I experiment on free-hand as well as look up recipes on the Internet. I try to stay as clear as possible from all kinds of ready made flour/cake mixes though. Partly because I aim to keep my sweet things “clean”, and partly because I search a lot for recipes in English – and the gluten free flour/cake mixes that are available in USA, UK or Australia are impossible to get a hold of here in Sweden.

My latest mission has been shortbread cookies. I’m a huge cookie monster, but I haven’t been able to bake as much cookies since I got my diagnosis, mostly since many recipes contains a lot more flour than I’ve dared experiment with so far. But a little while ago I found an awesome recipe for gluten free shortbread cookies, made from almond flour and rice flour. The recipe was incredibly easy and really fun to try, and I decided to use my Cthulhu cookie cutter for the occasion 🙂

The first tray was somewhat of a failure though. The cookies spread so much they ended up looking like monkey heads instead of flying octopus monsters 😛 And they got a lot more colour than they should. But after I tweaked a bit with the oven temperature and cooking time, the following trays looked awesome ^^ Even though they look more like bats in their current state. But that’s easily solved with a bit of green icing ^^

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They taste absolutely delicious though ❤

Next mission: peanut butter cookies!

Keeping the Dream Alive

This year I celebrated five years as a model. Even though I took a pretty long break from it all a couple of years ago due to studies, it feels strange to have been at it for so long. I haven’t done nearly all the things on my To Do List and there are still many talented photographers and designers I want to work with. I haven’t gone as far as I’d like, I’m not done by a long shot. I know I’m moving slower ahead than some other, but I’m patient and know that my time will come. I’m creating a niche for myself to make my name in and if it takes five more years to achieve what I want, so be it.

I can’t give up on what I want and what I like to do. I will probably have to expand my horizons, but it will be on my own terms. Not someone else’s.

I’m keeping my dreams alive, even though it’s hard and I sometimes feel like giving up on everything. I have to believe there’s a space for me and that I’ll soon be able to check of that list and feel a little more happy in my creativity. I’m proud of myself and of my work. I don’t compromise with my standards and boundaries. I know that I can stand behind everything that I’ve done so far. And that’s an important feeling for me.

I’m lucky though to have as many fans and supporters that I have, and I’m really bloody lucky to have Mashiara standing behind me no matter what ❤ Without him I don’t know what I would do or where I would be.

He feeds me with confidence and strength. Myself, I feed my dreams with tea, latex, corsets, high heels and weird madness. Oh, and cupcakes ❤

And of course, pretty pictures from shoots ^^

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Photo: Belinda Bartzner – Photography, Latex top: Maebelle Latex, Gloves: All You Need Is GL<3VES

 

On Nudity & Shoots

Every now and again I get asked why I don’t do nude shoots. The short answer: I don’t want to. Oh wait, you wanted the long answer? All right, here it comes…

Firstly, I don’t mind nude shoots and nudity in general. I love looking at well composed fine art nudes and admire every girl who feels comfortable enough being naked in front of the camera. Some of my favourite photos of other models are nude ones. My friend Insanitea, for example, has done some of the most beautiful FAN shoots that I know of. I just don’t see myself doing it, not even lingerie and glamour, and I do have my reasons for it.

1) I’m really not comfortable with the thought of taking my clothes of in front of a camera.

2) I’m hoping to get a job within the public sector and so to have nude shots floating around the Internet would not be a good thing. Latex and corsets I can defend as not damaging the imaging of the workplace. With FAN or glamour it would not be as easy ,and I am thinking about my own future and a career that will probably last longer than my modelling one.

3) For me, being fully naked or half-naked is something very intimate and requires a huge amount of trust. Of course there are a few photographers I feel that secure with, but it still wouldn’t feel a 100 % right. And if it doesn’t feel right, why should I do it?

It’s not than I’m not comfortable with my body, because I am. I’m very proud of my curves. I’m in my late 20’s and I know that there are women who would kill to have the shape that I have. Of course I have my bad days, everybody does. But I know I look good and I want to make the most of it.

I just prefer to do it with my clothes on, that’s all.

You Said What Now?

I woke up this morning to see a preview picture from the photoshoot I had with Kya Wolfwritten and Capsicon the day before yesterday (that’s Saturday if you’re like me and don’t keep track of the days 😛 ). It had also been published on the Facebook Page of the magazine Capsicon is running, Alternative Models Magazine. Under this picture someone had decided to act a little funny and declared that me and Kya looked fake.

I have no idea what exactly it is this person thinks is fake, but I can tell you this much: What you see is what you get, there is nothing fake whatsofreaking ever. My curves are all natural, the only kind of surgery I’ve ever done was to remove keloids on my earlobes after two pairs of failed piercings. That’s it. My skin is pale no matter what I do. It’s highly sensitive and burns easily so I always use SPF 30 (minimum!) when I go outside. Although, in the past three years I’ve been able to walk outside without anything and not even get red and burned.

Still, I find it very amusing that someone thinks I look fake and then doesn’t have decency to say what excactly it is that he/she thinks it is. Or just be more polite and ask if anything had been retouched/photoshoped away.

But yes, that was this morning’s big laugh and “you-said-what-now?”-moment.

 

Corset Rant

I feel a rant coming on…

I am a huge corset lover. I own some, have been laced into several, design and plan ideas for new ones and have written essays about them. Not to mention the fact that I have spent a serious amount of my free time in a corset shop. I guess you can call me a bit of a corset geek. That’s why I cringe every time I hear someone say they want a proper well-made corset for say… 50 €. No, I’m not lying, I have actually heard people say that – not to mention all the times I’ve seen it written on blogs or in forums.

There are plenty of corset shops out there, both physical ones and online. Several are absolutely awesome with a good sense of how it should be done (Viola Lahger, Bizarre Design & Revanche de la Femme, to mention a few), but way too many are on the other end of the scale. And it’s these places that in my mind help spread the notion that if a corset costs more than 50 € (maybe 100 €, depending on the style) it’s too expensive and therefor not worth it.

Excuse me? You said what now? I highly beg to differ. To put it bluntly, in the world of corsetry you get what you bloody well pay for! It’s not only about design and fancy fabrics, what you actually pay for is craftsmanship. Making a corset is not easy, there’s a whole lot more to it than just sowing pieces of fabric together with some boning. If the pattern isn’t constructed correctly, you don’t have squat. Period.
But I guess it’s like when people ask if you can sew latex, they just don’t bother to have a proper look at what it is they actually want. If you just want something that gives a bit of support but is still comfortable (that is, you can run through ice and snow with it on and it won’t be a problem), then it’s a corselette you want to get. If you want something that looks edgy, kinky or nice but doesn’t cost anything, then I suppose these cheap-ass things labeled “corsets” will work. But if you want something that shapes and forms your body, giving it a whole new outline, then you do need to pay for it.

What really pisses me off though, is when people tell a company their corsets are too expensive because they can buy three for the same price somewhere else. I’ve even seen it written as a comment to a newly opened webshop that sell more or less the same corsets as one of these places – and this new shop has prices that I feel are too cheap. That is just too wierd for me to even understand. If you want good quality then you will have to pay more, it’s that simple. Because what you get is an item that will do what it promises, it will fit your body the way it should while re-shaping it, and if you take proper care of it, it will last you a lifetime.

Unfortunately, I can’t decide what people should do with their money. But I can at least give my advice and try to lead them towards good quality and a better understanding of getting value for money.

Fetish Fair Fun

Wow, these past few days have really been like a mood rollercoaster. I didn’t get the summer job I had applied and been to an interview for, which really brought me down. I couldn’t stop worrying about the future, which in itself didn’t really help much. But here’s the thing about me, I more or less need to break down before I can pick myself up and go forward.

And that’s what I’ve done. I’m now planning for other things to do in case nothing happens on the day job front, and that helps me keep my spirits up. I won’t tell you everythings that’s on the list, but there will be a couple of fun photoshoots to enjoy ^^ I’ve got a few ideas that need to be realized and this just might be their summer. And don’t forget I’m still planning the details for one of my most epic shoots ever!

Also, I paid a visit to Stockholm Fetish Fair that was on Saturday. It’s an annual event alongside Stockholm Fetish Weekend, that contains different parties and workshops. I relly liked the fact that there were shows, seminars and workshops during the Fair, but I was a little disappointed at the vendor’s section. There were a few designers and boutiques that I missed and that I thought was going to be there but weren’t.
But even so, I did not come away emptyhanded. After a while something caught my eyes, I tried it on and it fit perfectly! What did, you say? A gorgeous looking skirt in purple semi-transparent latex, with frills and a black contrast trimming ❤

Here’s a crappy snap shot of it:

I really need to get myself a new party camera… And I need to plan a new fun photoshoot with this darling! ^^