2015 Review and a Look at the Future

As we now are about a month into 2016 I thought this is a good time to try and some sort of review of last year.
Last year was a bit of a roller-coaster for me with periods of all the things happening at once, followed by absolutely nothing. Creatively I had so many ideas of things I wanted to do, shoots I wanted to realize. While I didn’t get to do everything I wanted to, I still got to do some very fun and interesting things.
But instead of just filling this post with lines and lines of text I thought I should just list all the positive and negative things that happened last year.

Good Things:
– Me and my honey travelled to Berlin to attend German Fetish Ball Weekend for the first time. We had a lot of fun and we hope to go back this year!- I was published 5 times in different magazines (well, twice by Kultur Mag but in different issues).
– I walked the runway for Cyberesque at Unleashed Stockholm in October. It was my first time doing a fashion show, I was scared as hell but it was so much fun at the same time 🙂
– I got to work with several new photographers, including Post-mortem.se, Hanna Fredholm, Carmilla and Nathalie Holmberg at Fractal Fashion Photography.
– I moved to a brand new apartment with my honey, finally, after spending 7 years in a long distance relationship ❤
– I got a permanent position at my job, woho!
– I have eaten at a local Michelin star restaurant, Ekstedt. We got to sit at the chef’s table and also got a tour of the kitchen! I mean, how many people get to do that unless you’re in the food business?! Icing on the cake, I got to meet the owner Niklas Ekstedt who’s a food hero of mine 😀
– I got to shoot the most amazing mermaid concept together with the most awesome team of talents ❤

Not so good things:
– Didn’t get to shoot as much as I wanted to.
– Felt very stressed over things, probably more than I should have.
– My grandfather got diagnosed with cancer. This was/is the worst thing that happened in 2015. In spite of all the good things that happened the news of his illness came during the late fall, which pretty much set the tone for the rest of the year. He passed away last week..

But 2016 didn’t just start on an extremely low note, it also started at a very high one at the same time. This is because I’ve had two publications coming out these past two weeks, one of which I made it onto the magazine cover! I will post more about that later, but let’s just say for now that I’m extremely happy, thankful and freaking proud!
I hope that this year will contain more creativity for me, as well as more travels. I’m looking forward to evolve in my modelling and try my hands at new things. I have set a few goals for the year so let’s hope I will achieve all of them!

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Alive and Kicking!

Hey everyone, sorry I haven’t been so active these past few weeks but I have been busy with life :3

Valentine’s Day came upon us and I spent it with my one and only Mashiara ❤ A night at a nice hotel and a lovely dinner at a fancy French restaurant, I think it was our best Valentine’s ever and definitely one of out best weekends together for some time. I didn’t want it to end and I miss him so much my heart is aching… But hopefully he will be here with me again soon ^^

Other than that I’m working, planning some shoots and apply for new jobs. Even though I like my current workplace I feel the need to move up from “just” being a registrar. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, but my goal is to be an archivist and I won’t settle for less. But right now I’m happy if I can get the security, and paycheck, that a permanent job will bring (I’m currently employed as a temporary consultant with a shitty salary..).

And I’m all done with studying! At least for now, I’ll probably go back at a later stage but not right now 🙂 I decided to celebrate that with something I’ve been drooling over for some time: Burned Velvet leggings from Black Milk ❤

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Busy Bee & Corsets

Sorry for not being so active here lately, but I’ve been busy as hell with studies and finishing off my internship. I’m currently trying to get a report/analysis of the period done while mentally preparing myself for the extra assignment I need to hand in to pass the paleography class. And on top of that I start working full time on Monday. Whofuckinghoo… I’m really annoyed at myself for not doing better, because I really worked hard on this. And I hate to fail at something.

But I’ll do what I always do. Bitch and moan about it for a short while, then dust myself off and get back to do my best damn work ever.

But at least I’m getting a bit creative again. Had a shoot yesterday with Natalie G Sundling, will shoot with KT Twisted photography on Friday and am fully booked next weekend with both Kitty Carol and Linda Florin. So I’ve got that game going at least. And I can finally bring out some of the things I’ve been dying to shoot for months! Including the latex set I got from Westward Bound about six months ago :3

And this baby is also coming out to play, my new darling from Viola Lahger ❤ The photo doesn’t make it justice though, the colours are a lot brighter in real life :3

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Summer Madness

Things are pretty slow at work right now so I’m allowing my brain to relax a bit and feel creative. Funnily enough though, I’m feeling more creative when it comes to cooking and creating recipes right now than when it comes to photoshoots. I guess it’s because I’ve gotten so many wonderful ideas these past months that I need to get them out of my system before I can come up with new ones. Soon I hope to tick some of the boxes though, since I’m waiting for an outfit and some jewellery to arrive. And I’ve also got some accessories that needs shooting.
I’m really looking forward to set some dates with photographers 🙂

But speaking of outfits, I payed a visit to my corset maker, Viola Lahger, yesterday to discuss a new baby. We decided on a model and the embellishments, but we were left with that difficult question of colours. I know I want soft pastels contrasting to each other, but after that I’m stuck. So we decided that she would go fabric hunting for me and I gave her a list of colours that I like ^^ I’m confident this new piece will be wonderful and I can’t wait to shoot it in the fall 🙂

And while we’re on the subject of corsets, I afterwards met up with a friend to go to a local Victorian picnic. It was great to meet so many wonderful people in gorgeous outfits, eat cakes and talk about everything and nothing. I was happy to see so many wearing lovely corsets, even though it did make me cry a bit inside to see some younger girl wear theirs not only upside down but backwards too.. I can understand that one might put on an underbust upside down – hell, I’ve done that myself a few times when not looking properly! But overbust styles? I’m sorry, but that’s really beyond me..

Anyway, I had planned for a truly epic outfit with my steampunk corset, but I ran out of time and couldn’t finish it. My plan B failed due to extreme heat, so in the end I settled for a nice basic summer goth outfit with one of my favourite corsets.

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Keeping the Dream Alive

This year I celebrated five years as a model. Even though I took a pretty long break from it all a couple of years ago due to studies, it feels strange to have been at it for so long. I haven’t done nearly all the things on my To Do List and there are still many talented photographers and designers I want to work with. I haven’t gone as far as I’d like, I’m not done by a long shot. I know I’m moving slower ahead than some other, but I’m patient and know that my time will come. I’m creating a niche for myself to make my name in and if it takes five more years to achieve what I want, so be it.

I can’t give up on what I want and what I like to do. I will probably have to expand my horizons, but it will be on my own terms. Not someone else’s.

I’m keeping my dreams alive, even though it’s hard and I sometimes feel like giving up on everything. I have to believe there’s a space for me and that I’ll soon be able to check of that list and feel a little more happy in my creativity. I’m proud of myself and of my work. I don’t compromise with my standards and boundaries. I know that I can stand behind everything that I’ve done so far. And that’s an important feeling for me.

I’m lucky though to have as many fans and supporters that I have, and I’m really bloody lucky to have Mashiara standing behind me no matter what ❤ Without him I don’t know what I would do or where I would be.

He feeds me with confidence and strength. Myself, I feed my dreams with tea, latex, corsets, high heels and weird madness. Oh, and cupcakes ❤

And of course, pretty pictures from shoots ^^

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Photo: Belinda Bartzner – Photography, Latex top: Maebelle Latex, Gloves: All You Need Is GL<3VES

 

Update Time!

Sorry for the lack of updates, but I’ve been a very busy bee these past few weeks. My paper is done and defended, I’m only waiting to get my grade on it. I’m currently writing my final home exam, due next week. It’s an easy one, but it’s hard to find the motivation to write it – and to not be overly stuck-up and “yell” at everything! But that’s my problem with “discuss freely” questions, I love them but I can’t help but being very bitter and sarcastic when discussing the topic 😛 But it has given me good points in the past, so who knows? Maybe lightning strikes twice? 😉

I’ve also started my summer job, being a registrator at a government office. Lots of routine work but I like it ^^ It gives me money so I can get one or two new latex pieces, a new corset and a new phone. I can’t complain about that 🙂 It might mean though that it will be a bit quiet here since I’ll be working full time and won’t have the same amount of time to write things every few days. But I hope you’ll still stick around, there are going to be some lovely pics posted since I’m planning shoots for the summer 🙂

This little baby will come out to play!

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Oh and I got a new dress recently :3 I’m celebrating five whole years together with my beloved Mashiara and I thought I should have something new ^^ I’m getting him something really special for our anniversary and sooo hope he will like it! No, I won’t say anything since I know he reads my blog 😉

Photoshoot Adventure

Just got home from today’s photoshoot with the awesome KT Twisted Photography. We’ve been trying to schedule a shoot for nearly a month now, mostly due to illnesses, schoolwork and overall stress, and today we finally managed to get it done 🙂

We did two very different outfits: one dark and gothic and one light and shiny. I wish I could give you more details, but since I’m planning to send some pics away to magazines I don’t want to spoil the surprise 😉 But I can tell you that a couple of designers will be happy 😛

Anyway, I had a specific theme in mind for one of the outfits when I arrived at the studio. But as soon as I got it on I realised that it wouldn’t work. Or well, it probably would have but when we stood looking at my mirror image we both came to the conclusion that it didn’t need all the props I had brought. It was gorgeous the way it was.But that’s me in a nutshell, I always bring a lot more than I really use during shoots 😛

Two hours later and we were done! She was happy and I was happy. Everything looked so good in the camera so I don’t have any doubts that the finished result will be beautiful 🙂

And so to not leave you empty handed, here’s from the last time we played around with shiny things ^^

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Future Plans & Doings

I know I’m not all that good at writing contiuously here, but there are a lot of things going on right now so bear with me.

I’m working on my final paper, due in the beginning of May. It’s not a long paper, but I’ve also got another course running at the same time, so I’m bringing out all my time managent skills. At least I’m writing down things and reading at the same time. It gives me headaches, but hey, hopefully it will be worth it 😉

Next week I’m celebrating my birthday. I’m still trying to work out what I want for birthday cakes (I always have two) and if I want to bake something else. So far I’ve decided on a yummie pavlova with lime curd and tasty fruits, some kind of chocolate cake and mini white chocolate cupcakes with a tasty frosting. I still have to decide on the frosting.

My honey is coming up to celebrate my birthday with me, and that makes me really happy 🙂 I haven’t seen him for way too long..

Also, I’ll be shooting with Natalie G Sundling and Colorfulmakeups again! An outdoor shoot with pretty shiny things, it’s going to be great!

Since I’m being very busy though, I’ve had to make the decision on cutting back on all my photoshoots. I’ve only got two booked (or well, I’m trying to reschedule one to happen very soon) until the beginning of May, and that’s probably how it’s going to end up. So to the designers waiting for me to shoot stuff for them, please be a little patient with me. I’ll get to everything as soon as I can, but I need to watch over my nerves so I don’t keel over from all the stress :/

I can’t tell you what we’re going to shoot, but I can give you a hint of what will be in one of them – my darling gloves from All You Need Is Gloves ❤

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A New Delight

I was supposed to have a gorgeous photoshoot today with one of my favourite photographers, KT Twisted Photography. But the poor thing is not feeling well at all so we decided to reschedule.

Still, my hair is curled and I’ve got a bit of makeup on so I’m feeling quite pretty anyway. Fit for fight to tackle my home exam (somewhat…) and to meet with my sweetest ChaosModel to get back some latex that she’s borrowed from me. On Saturday I have a shoot with Natalie G Sundling and I’m thinking about bringing my new pretty heels to it ^^

I love them so much! ❤

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Keep the Sanity!

Things are about to get really stressful now..

Next week I’ve got two doctor’s appointment that will decide how this winter’s medical treatments are going to be scheduled. There’s UVB light treatment for my skin and allergy vaccinations to prepare for the pollen season next spring. So there’s nothing seriously wrong with me, but these are things that have to be done if I’ll make it through this winter all right – and have a decent pollen defense next year.

I wouldn’t be all that bothered with it if it wasn’t also for the fact that I have two college courses that run parallel to each other – with one huge project and two home exams to finish them off. There’s going to be a lot of issues trying to fit all the schedules together, and with that comes a mounting feeling of stress and to not have any time. I don’t like that, it’s not good for me.

Stress increases the risk of running into that all too familiar brick wall, and I certainly don’t have any time for that!

That’s the reason why I haven’t been crazy with booking and planning shoots. I do have some stuff planned, so don’t worry about that, but I’m not stressing anything. Being creative in front of the camera is wonderful fun, but I have to make priorities and right now my health has to come first. Without that I can’t function and nothing good will come out of it.

Be patient, I will be back with awesomeness ❤